I’m tired, absolutely bone weary, 20 odd days non-stop of 100 mile an hour early in the morning to late in the evening maximum effort – driven by that white man’s work ethic that’s bought us to the edge of the abyss that we now find ourselves on.

I should know better – I sat high on that hillside a couple of years ago in the Upper Sheenjek valley, (it’s where the title photo for this blog comes from) watching the sun play on the river and the hills in the slow realisation that the Gwichin and Inupiat knew something we didn’t, there is a better way to live, a wisdom that is almost impossible to convey through words or squiggles on paper – it must be experienced and felt to be understood.

But no matter – I got sucked back in.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not feeling sorry for myself, if I hated it that much I would change it, and I have a growing feeling I might do just that. But for now, the moneys good, and no matter what anybody says about money – it gives you one very important thing – Options.

I woke up this morning, still in the fog of sleep, my six-year-old standing framed in the doorway, “Are you going to work today Dad?” “Nope”, “Can I come in with you and mum?”. The eldest appearing moments later for a quick cuddle before it turned to wrestling, then down to the kitchen for pancakes.

Dropped them both at school then headed off to one of the Glens – too tired for the hills but wandered up the glen following the Scots Pine lined river, swapping sides now and then to make progress.

I reached the edge of the tree line and followed the trees up the hill as far as they went.

A colleague a work asked me the other day what I had planned for my day off – I told her, a couple of hours ambling through a pine forest then find an ancient Caledonian pine and curl up and go to sleep at its base – cue bemused smile, but they know me well enough.

Well – I’ve just woken up from that sleep, coffees brewing in the stove, a slight wind brushing the tops of the trees but quite still in the hollow where I sit. I’m starting to feel some life creep back into me, a soul revival.

When I’m finished writing this I’ll have another nap, if it’s not too cold, it’s about 5 or 6°C then amble back through the woods to the car and go and pick the kids up from school – maybe Friday night pizza and rubbish TV.

I think I’ll bring them back here on Sunday if the weathers good – see if they feel it too.